Your Relationship with Significant Others
- Hey Friend, These are notes from my latest podcast. No judgement on grammar and punctuation……….deal?
- This week I want to focus on your relationship with your significant others…………..note I say others because I think this work goes for all those significant relationships you have in your life. I mean all of those people who hold the closest spaces in your heart………..so I mean your spouse, your children even your parents because these are the people who are generally closest to us, who know the most about us, who we tend to love unconditionally, but also the ones who we tend to have expectations for…………..people who we expect to show up for us, but also people who also sometimes expect to hold our key to happiness
- Think about it this way…………………..How many times have you seen those Hallmark movies where the girl was living a ho hum life, just kind of showing up day after day stumbling through until she met that guy, they both felt a spark, starting doing all kinds of nice things for each other and fell in love
- Suddenly she’s happy, she now has purpose and is so happy and in love as he is as well………….they live happily ever after, right?
- Until one day………………..he forgets to take out the garbage, then the project he said he would get taken care of has now turned into a sixth month waiting game, you knew when you met him that he enjoyed playing video games, but it now seems like hours pass and he hasn’t left the couch in to even help you clean the dishes
- How are you feeling now?
- For some this scenario may be a bit extreme, but for some I’ve heard from you and this is your reality
- Let me tell you………………………all hope is not lost…………….I’ve got you! You may not like my answer, but I promise you if you are willing to open up to the possibility of a new way of thinking…………..you are going to alleviate so much pain for yourself.
- Brace yourself……………….for some of you this may be an entirely new concept………..it may be completely different from the way you have looked at love and your relationships with those significant people in your lives, but our relationships are solely based on the thoughts that we think about that person………….yes, the thoughts we think about the other person are what creates that loving feeling within us
- so take into consideration when you first met your spouse, and all the wonderful things he or she did for you……………sending random texts to let you know they were thinking about you, snuggling up to you with nuzzles of kisses when you walked through the door, flowers on your one month anniversary…………………..what were your thoughts about those acts of kindness and how did they make you feel…………….maybe your thought was, “wow, this person really thinks I’m special”. When you’re thinking this thought, how does it make you feel…………….how does it make you feel about that person.
- What about when your kids were younger and were so sweet and innocent and all you wanted to do was curl up with them on the couch and read them their favorite bed time story, but now you are thinking about what your going to do as punishment because Johnny has snuck out of the house for the third time and really got himself into trouble…………..disappointment feels very different than those loving cuddles do, right
- This doesn’t mean you don’t love them, but it does certainly mean that your thoughts have shifted and are creating a different feeling for you
- Are you able to see now, how your thoughts create the feelings that you have towards people even your significant others
- this is quite fascinating to think about…………….because it really is just a simple reminder of how the thoughts we are thinking are what create our reality for us and the truth is that you get to have whatever type of relationship you want to with the people you love in your life, you get to choose your thoughts, you get to show up how you want to
- The same is true for them
- So here is where we sometimes can get ourselves into trouble……………….you notice I said ourselves……………remember when i mentioned about the project that is taking longer than what you had thought it would be…………….why is it causing you pain? It’s causing you pain because maybe you thought it wouldn’t take as long, or maybe you’re thinking…..
- expectations and manuals
- we do this with our relationships with our children as well
- we expect for them to act a certain way or be in our relationship a certain way
- The truth is……………….we cannot control other human beings
- we can make requests, but we also get to decide what we are going to think if they do not fulfill our request
- Once you come to terms with this reality……………..you get to choose
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