Notes from my podcast

• I have been reading the book Playing Big by Tara Mohr. It is an awesome bok for women who want more out of life but have been taught that girls that follow the rules and do what they are expected to do often don’t always reach the goals and dreams that they desire because they are not playing big.
• The chapter I am just finishing is on unhooking from our desire to find our worthiness in the praise of others and allowing ourselves to release from others criticisms
• both of these hold us back
• But today I want to reflect on the part about criticism
• I wanna offer you couple things about criticism the
•  first one is that often times when people criticize you or offer up their opinion of you or the things that you are doing often time the criticism comes from somewhere that they feel that they are falling short almost like a mirror effect if I point it out on you it lessens the sting of how I feel about me
• or in some way shape or form are threatened by what it is that you were doing 
• example is the day my boss told me that I was mean and nobody liked.
• Another thing about criticism is that you can decide whether or not you want to believe that it’s true 
• example my son told me that I was controlling and gave me examples of how he thought I was controlling. And when I took a long hard look at those examples I decided that yes he was right however he may not ever understand where that controlling Ness came from but I completely understand that I was controlling in the fact that I wanted my kids to know that somebody cared about them I wanted my kids to know that somebody wanted them to succeed. I did not have a whole lot of that as I was growing up. I was the one kid that was succeeding therefore I got ignored so more than likely that’s where my controlling aspect comes from.
• And the third thing about criticism is that a lot of the time criticism doesn’t feel good and in fact can cause us pain because it may be triggering some things that we see in ourselves so perhaps you have a specific belief about yourself that you’re not good enough and then when someone criticizes your piece of work saying that it’s not good enough when you already believe that about yourself therefore the trigger is causing your pain. And to that end, don’t open the door for others to agree with you, when they do it will only cause you pain.
• As women we like to allow our inner mean girl to come out at times as open criticism of ourselves. We do this sometime because we think that the person we are talking to is not going to agree with us almost in a passive aggressive manner

• If you need help unhooking from criticism, if it’s recognizing when the criticism that is offered is more about the giver than it is about you, or you decide……..”oh yeah, there is some truth in that statement and I’d love to get some help as to work through those thoughts” or believing in yourself so hard that you no longer look to people to affirm you. I’m your coach. I am the coach for midlife women who want to Play Big and get big results………happiness in the second half of their life, confidence to follow their big dreams, empowerment to make changes to last the rest of their lifetime.
• I’ve done it for myself and I want to help you.